....WOW!
many thanks to all of you for your support and comments on my last post. i will be limiting my plugged time for a few days...it is a big holiday weekend here anyway. But i will find my way back.
my anger and confusion has subsided, somewhere in it i found the energy to slice up that alphabet sampler. as it happens... F was on the top of the pile, and although F may easily have been for F_ _ _ you, it turned out to be for Friends, and some form of Forgiveness which is the only way i will find my way Forward to a course of action that will make sense for me.
...and then F found its way into my stitching as simply Fish, with a funky Fin. and Finish as in Finish this quilt already.