January 6th 2014
Rocking back and forth in January
We have gone from deep freeze to a hint of Spring this morning. Temperatures warmed up a good 20 degrees overnight. It is raining and all the snow disappeared while I was sleeping. I spent some time sitting on the studio floor this morning. Just enjoying the warm dampness and emptiness. Sensing its resting. The musty smell of the unused stove. I have been walking in and out, back and forth, all morning. Like moving through seasons in my mind.
Yesterday was a bit upside down. I felt uneasy. Trapped by winter. Mist and then cold temperatures kept me from being outside. Slick surfaces make me nervous after last year's fall on the ice. In many ways I sense myself becoming my mother. But in so many more ways, not. I sat with the cloth I call HOME for many hours. Stitching but frustrated with not being able to spread out. And then an email from Wendy. A little story of beautiful children, a little back and forth. Talked my way right through the knot I was tied up in simply by saying. The thread relaxed. Was it her? Was it me? I think it was the back and forth. I thought. Yes. The leaning in, the stepping back. This was quite important to consider. This rocking. Especially today.
This cloth is a Spirit Cloth. Not about anything else. Not design. Not fame. Not exhibitions, publicity. Not art. Not money. Not even worrying I reminded myself this morning. This cloth is more. The basket is forming no matter how I look at it. I lean in to stitch. Lean back and look. I sit under it, on it. I might see it from across the room. It will hold me. This is what I am sure of. And so it will be ok. A vessel born because we care. A cloth that will contain the back and forth. The truth in that. The spirit of how it really goes when you care. These things shape themselves. I can see it with my eyes closed.
And so, as season predicts, as dreams command, I will finish a bit slower than planned. And I will do it here, on the blog, in detail. Until the day it changes hands. I stepped back this morning, to see it from far away, because it was warm enough to hang it on a wall in another room. To sit and catch a look. But I am leaning close in now. Temperatures will drop 40 degrees today. I will keep the big picture in the back of my mind and just go.